On Saturday, I have a speaking engagement. The topic is “Being the Friend I Need.” As I practiced, I began to feel sorry for myself. I have no friends, I thought.
Don’t freak out on me if you’re one of my friends. Keep reading. It will (hopefully) get better.
I know I have friends. I have deep lasting friendships with people who would drop everything and come at a moment’s notice. And I am grateful for that. I also have friends with whom I can schedule a evening out and spend hours gabbing and eating and laughing and eating. And I love that.
What I was feeling was that I didn’t have spur-of-the-moment, just-touching-base-to-see-how-you’re-doing friends, the kind of friends you call when something irritating or funny happens in your day and you just need to share it. And I missed that. I’ve missed it, honestly, for as long as I’ve lived back in Pennsylvania.
I was talking it out with Les tonight, because talking is often how I process things (poor, but patient, saint of a man). And as we talked I realized that I’ve felt this way for about as long as I’ve been on Facebook. Eureka. No one needs to call me to share that funny little thing; we share it on our walls. When I’m frustrated, I can rant on Facebook and someone will agree with me and someone else will say something to knock me out of my snit.
I still have spur-of-the-moment, just-touching-base-to-see-how-you’re-doing friends. We’re simply touching base on Facebook rather than by phone or e-mail. And we’re probably touching base more often. We’re sharing more, even if my feelings haven’t caught up with that.
Yeah, I still wish there were people I could call at the last minute for a Panera run or a trip to the mall. But I think that frustration is due more to my work-from-home situation than it is to my friendships. I do miss the personal, daily, incidental interaction with humans at the office on a daily basis.
So maybe I’ll start thinking of Facebook as my water cooler. See you there at 9:30 tomorrow, friend. Can’t wait to hear all the news.
Carol,
Thank you for this post. I have a love | hate relationship with Facebook and am thinking I am getting closer to parting ways. I’ve heard others say that FB has become an artificial means to connect–I, mean, it’s a real thing using technology and all–it’s become a way to maintain a false barrier to what is “really-real”…if you get my drift. We can say what we feel on our walls, but do people really “get” what we are truly feeling? Since moving to NH and thinking I was moving closer to my “best friend”, I’ve noticed that I’ve had or maintained less physical connection to others. Maybe it’s the remote, geographical area (very different than the constant bumping into people when I lived in NJ) or it’s personal laziness. I’m not sure. But, I’m with you. I have not had those “in-the-moment-this-just-happened-let-me-tell-you-how-I-feel” type of conversations in a VERY long time.
And I miss it.
Renee
Thanks, Renee, for the encouragement that I needed to say this. I didn’t want my friends to think I was saying they weren’t good enough or doing enough. I think I will feel better as I recognize that sharing through FB “counts” and is important. But I do still want those face-to-face encounters. Since my situation is different now, I will simply have to schedule them!