I get to speak to a lot of mom’s groups. And if there’s any way to fit it in to whatever topic I’m talking about, I say this:
The goal of parenting is to raise your children so that some day they will move out.
Moms and dads often seem to forget that. You are raising children to be capable of functioning on their own, as adults, out in the real world. When they move out, you’ve been successful.
And then what?
Well, what happens next depends on what you’ve invested in during all those years you were raising your kids. If you invested all your time and energy in your children, you may be in trouble. If you and your spouse spent your time together talking only about your children, their schedules and their needs, your marriage may be in trouble.
Because … when the kids leave, it’s just the two of you. And what do you have? If you haven’t been careful, you may be left with a hollowed out shell of a marriage, a marriage relationship starved almost to death from lack of time or attention or investment.
I could write much more, but I’m on vacation (investing in my marriage!), and besides, this Time magazine article by Belinda Luscombe says it so much better than I could:
Why You Shouldn’t Love Your Kids More Than Your Partner
Read it! Then spend some time with your spouse—with no kid talk.
And the good news is, your healthy marriage is a great gift for your kids—they’re happier as children and then less likely to get divorced themselves.
4 thoughts on “The Best Thing You Can Do For Your Kids”
WOW did I need this! Both our children graduated high school last week and in 2 months we will be empty nesters! It is challenging for me with the kids leaving, my husband looks at it as a rite of passage! I needed to read this!
Amber, commit to the beauty of the process of getting to know one another again!
Oh my gosh, I love this blog. My daughter is about to move out on her own and I am already feeling some kind of way. Lucky for my husband and myself we started spending time away from the kids several years ago. However, I don’t think we invested all the time we needed to not have some void. Lord I pray that we will not fall into the category of being bored with each other without the kids.
Thanks for the reminder with this blog.
Carrol, so glad you’ve invested the time over the years!