“I’m Still Fat”

My size 14 body was wrapped in a towel, drying off at the Rec Center locker room. I was minding my own business. Suddenly, a voice range out behind me. “I’m still fat. Just in case you wanted to know.”

I turned to see who was talking. A stranger. Not just that I didn’t know her; I’d never even seen her before. I would guess this thirty-something was a size 8 or 10. Why she was so distraught that she felt the need to tell a complete stranger she was “still fat”?

And what are we doing to women that they feel the need to talk about themselves this way?

I rarely hear men talk about being fat or ugly. In fact, it seems to me, that many men who are, well, to put it nicely, pudgy, believer they are fine representations of a man. The man who most women might feel is less than attractive often believes he’s a great catch for any woman.

Women, attractive women, thin women, average women, all seem to believe they are less than enough. “I’m still fat.” Why is that?

We live in a culture of prevalent airbrushed photos of women, not just in porn but in magazines at the checkout counter. We are bombarded with the lives and images of models and actresses who as Julia Roberts character says in Notting Hill have “been on a diet every day since I was nineteen, which basically means I’ve been hungry for a decade.”

We live in a world where Victoria’s Secret’s Bright Young Things line targets young girls with panties that say “Call me” on the crotch. And one where, as this Time magazine article says, Abercrombie & Fitch markets “overly revealing catalog images and thong underwear for children emblazoned with ‘Eye Candy’ and ‘Wink Wink.'”

When will we say, “Enough”? What will it take to rescue the next generation of women from feeling so bad about their bodies? (I’m pretty sure it’s too late for this one.)

Here are my suggestions:

1. Don’t dress your little girls as sex objects (or as Celia Rivenbark’s book title so aptly puts it: Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank). This includes the overdone makeup for dance recitals and cheerleading squads.
2. Parents (but especially dads), tell your daughter she’s beautiful, often, but be sure to also complement any signs of inner beauty she displays, such as compassion, kindness, strength, and self-discipline.
3. Speak up when a store that caters to kids offers clothes that sexualize children. Create or sign a petition on change.org asking them to stop selling the items. (It seems to have worked for Victoria Secret’s Bright Young Things line, although they don’t admit that.)
4. Women, stop complaining about your weight or looks in front of your kids, and don’t obsessively step on the scale. Concentrate on becoming fit and a confident woman of character. Learn to laugh; it will improve anyone’s looks instantly.
5. Tell your friends they are beautiful, and again, point out strength of character, especially in front of your (and her) children.
6. Don’t bug your daughters about their weight or allow teasing from siblings about their looks. Serve healthful meals and snacks and become an active family together to build physical strength and fitness.

What ideas do you have for helping the next generation escape “I’m still fat” self-loathing? I’d love to hear your ideas or what those of you parenting young children are currently doing to stave off the problem. Just give us your ideas in the comment section below.

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